Dark, cold, alone.
Sitting here, waiting.
Waiting for what? Not sure myself.
The sun rises, and gives me hope.
Hope for a better day. A new beginning.
But that hope is empty. Meaningless.
I think about this "happy" feeling
people always talk about. Is it real?
It could very well be another myth,
like Bigfoot for instance...
For some reason, it's a lot easier to be sad.
And I hate it. Why can't I smile, and be filled
with joy everytime the one I love walks out the door.
Why do I have to have any reaction at all?
Seems unnecessary to me... These unwanted feelings.
But I guess this is life, and sooner or later,
I'll have to deal with it... By myself.
I keep wondering if there are other people like me.
Dealing with similar "issues". Is it really a possibility,
that I'm the only one who sees life this way? Perhaps...
They say "be a fruit loop in a bowl of cheerios".
Although sometimes I feel like a cheerio in a bowl of fruit loops.
It doesn't bother me one bit. This darkness I call home,
opened up a whole new outlook on things. It's nice.
One day I'll look back at this chapter in my life;
And hopefully I will have a better understanding of it's purpose.
But right now, I just have to live through it.
And there's no better way to live through it, than to put it on paper.
Words have no meaning, neither do constant thoughts that keep changing...
Can you imagine playing chess without the purpose of winning?
Or filling up your car knowing there's a hole in the gas tank.
It would be pointless... Like most things, from my understanding.
Trying to be nice to people, just to get stepped on.
Having friends, just to realize they're all two faced.
Or, falling in love, just to experience pain that will change you forever.
Pointless...is it not?