The glass lost its grip

And my veins lost their insistent murmur.

My heart no longer pounding

 

I spoke my words into the air

My throat strangling, mangling

Sounds I would never release

 

Silence reverberated from my mouth

Your eyes held mine in a close embrace

Begging me to form the syllables

 

But nothing was all I could do

Your silent stare deafened me

Everything had gone away

 

And yet, your hand

So firmly gripping mine

Reassured me of your twisting existence

 

I tried, Hannah, I swear

I tried to speak the pain

To validate your suffering

 

But my consciousness trembled

And words could never describe,

The lies that shattered through me

 

“To have and to hold

  In sickness and in health

  Till Death Do Us Part”

 

Your palm slowly slipping from mine

Sinking back to your solitude

Your broken, bastard family

 

But Hannah, the things I would say,

That I would do for you

If only I could find this voice

 

I’m so sorry for the silence

I have been away for so many years

Leaving you alone with nothing

 

From the shadows

The smoldering purgatory

I have been there

 

I have always loved you.

Never doubt that,

I had to leave to stay

 

Somebody hurt me

They hurt me so badly

That I hurt me too

 

I’m so unfathomably angry

There is no excuse for my abandoning you

I was weak, and for that, I’m sorry

 

The empty nights?

The ones that burst through your dream-sleep?

You and I were together

 

I was there

Awake and crying

Too ashamed to close my eyes

 

There’s no way I could ever be forgiven

But ever should you need me,

Your broken, disgusting sister will be there

 

As you once saved me

If you feel unsafe

I too will save you

 

The things I would say to you

If only my lips would part

But they wouldn’t, and I spoke not a word.