Pain Dedication

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 15:36 -- _b_e_g_


Is it okay for my mother to call me names? This pain, I cant take this shit. This shit is really stressing me so I gotta let it out. When my mother calls me names she causes me my pain.  Im not going to deny it my own mother calls me names and she is the reason why I keep act this way. All I wanna do is get away because I know I'm a disgrace never will I forget all the things she's said sometimes I be thinking its just a phase and everything will change but in the end I still feel the pain and it wont go away until I'm out of her way. She sees me as a troubled kid. Yes I wont deny it I've done things that I regret cause in the end it came back to bite me but damn it's hard enough to think that others judge me for my weight and my mistake I know I am not in the form of perfection so I decided to become the best form of neglection but for my own mother to call me these names what a shame maybe she's the disgrace but you know what its best if she mans up to her mistake because one day i'll have enough, and I'll be gone so she wont have me to blame. It might be said that she is my mother but its sad to say that I don't see her that way instead she's my oppressor. Every time I felt good she would remind me I was nothing. I hold all this in and turn them into secrets look I'm a good daughter and student all you see is me getting good grades and keeping my little boo out of trouble im a young kid locked up in my room never doing shit. All my teachers love and appreciate me man I cant wait until I find the courage to run away. She tells me she love me and she does what she does out of love but it sure don't feel like it she's always goes to far . If she thought about it I'm nothing compared to other kids out there getting high,getting wasted or either getting pregnant, always carring a strap, home a few minutes late and she already tripping. If only she knew that its the way she treats me the reason why I'm always acting up. I don't get respect from my mother and at times I wonder if I should give her respect cause you know what they say "treat other the way you want to be treated" she treats me like shit so should I treat her the same . This inner conflict is what gets to me but in the end I respect her so I won't turn out to be just like her. I keep pushing myself because my life is to precious to be lost. Im a dead soul screaming for revival a young girl who thinks of becoming suicidal I felt the hits and the kicks of society and times like this is where I question myself where's god? Im feenin for his love I'm yearning for him to give me faith cuz Im here all alone suffering I pray to him to help me stop being a little fuck up to help me make a change but shit still the same, its to late for her to change. This problem is my motivation. Devour, Phora, Chris Gee, Self Provoked they my inspiration to keep on chasing this green light that will be waiting for me on this other destination. They are my inspiration to try and make change to this generation. I strive for the better while going through the worse . I snap back to my imagination to keep me living from all the sadden words that are said by the women i call my mother, I thought they were going to be my reason to bring me down to her level but at the end of the day ill like to say thank you mother you're my motivation to write you this dedication Through the struggles and the fights this wasn't meant to disrespect her but a way to embrace her and thank her for making me a better her.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741