our love

Wed, 04/09/2014 - 03:23 -- ezer
there was a moment 
a weak, broken moment 
where I wanted us to end 
not because I didn't love you 
not because you weren't exactly what I needed 
not because I wasn't happy 
but because of who I am 
because I am scared to let you close to me
because what if you really see 
how much control I need to feel free 
how true freedom scares me 
and choices make me nervous 
not on most days though 
most days I'm me 
but you don't know my bad days 
you don't know my rock bottom 
my hopeless days 
when I can't seem to look up 
or even next to me 
and what if then I am too much for you 
if I've accidentally hidden myself from you 
and you can't love me 
a monstrosity 
but I pushed that moment to the back 
and I said all I can ever be is me 
and i love you so much 
so I put it in perspective 
there is no version of you I couldn't love
no fault to great 
no bad habit too bad 
because I love everything about you and the things I don't know of 
well I love them too
and I have to hope that you love me the same 
and I have to let go of all the control 
and everything I know 
because love isn't control
and it's not my decision 
but it's ours 
and it's God's 
and it's beautiful even when it's in shambles,  because it can be rescued 
and it can be shared 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741