I know you're hurt. I know you're broken. I know that you thought the last time that this happened was truly going to be the last time. I want to start off by saying that it's okay. It is okay to not be okay. You are doing the absolute best that you can. The bruises, scratches, and scars on your heart haven't healed yet. And quite honestly, it will be quite awhile until they do. So let yourself cry. Mourn the loss of what once was and grieve the future that you had once hoped for. Grief is the most difficult place in this world to bring yourself out of. So give yourself some credit for making it this far, and know that this is not the end. This moment does not define who you are and who you will be.
Think back to the last time you were in this place. It's been awhile, huh? The emotional breakdowns are becoming less frequent and more time goes past in between. That is PROGRESS. You're not where you once were, but you're haven't quite reached where you are going to. You are traveling along as best you can down Heartbreak Rd. Understand that this, what you're going through, is molding you. This is happening for a reason. There is a light at the end of this and though you cannot see it now, do not lose hope that it is coming. Because I promise you, it is.
Mending that tethered heart of yours is an unfair process. You had a good day; you had a good week; heck, you even had a good month! But then, out of nowhere, it all comes rushing back. Every pang of hurt floods back into your heart like it never left. The simplest thing set it off. And here you are, back on your bedroom floor. That carpet holds more tears than it was made for. But think of it this way: those tears mean that you are doing this. You are getting through. Little by little, moment by moment, those tears are strengthening you into the woman God has made you to be. Believe that, and never lose hope.
I'm sorry you're in this place. I know you wish that this all would end, and I wish it would too. But let's look ahead, not at where you are right now. Let's picture the girl laughing freely with the most beautiful of smiles spread across her face. That girl is healed. She is happy. She let go of the pain of her past and she moved on. She stopped looking back, and she stopped trying to fix what broke her. Because what sense does it make clinging on to the one thing that has caused you the most pain that you have ever experienced? Why do you want that back? Sweet girl, you are worth so much more. I know that everyone in your life has told you that, but it's time for you to believe it. Because you are a woman of God, fearfully and wonderfully made, worthy of love and respect. You are more than you feel you are in this moment. So stand up, keep going, I promise you that you are going to make it. And when you do, you will look back on this moment finally understanding why that horribly broken heart was so wonderfully necessary.