it feels like years ago I had a dream no I had a nightmare a nightmare so terrible no one would ever want to hear
it took me 92 days to truly convince myself without any question that it was not just a nightmare
this had happened
this had happened to me

something that the facts say will happen to 1 in 4 women before the age of 22
something that the facts try to help you prevent
something that the facts can never actually prepare you for

what the hell did the facts do for me as I was haunted for a year by this man
what the hell did the facts do for me as I sat alone in the therapists office because I was too embaressed to tell my parents
what the hell did the facts do for me when my old friends said it was just a misunderstanding

a misunderstanding, a confusion, a delusion, a false impression, a misapprehension,
was it a confusion as I cried and said no, please
a delusion as my drunk mind tried to release
a false impression as I was left alone and naked in a strange house
a misapprehension as no one would listen to my shouts

but the aftermath can be as bad as the nightmare itself

the doctor says to me funny words and terminology that mean nothing for the life of me
post traumatic stress disorder is just a host for a manic depression holder
the ups and downs and trying to cope
the few friends who were their giving me all their hope

and now it has been nearly a year since I was raped

the medication and the damnation of the self-hate have washed away most of the pain
and I'm left with an occasional nightmare, a couple of pills, a couple of scars,
and the realization that despite my circumstance despite my year-long trance
I know now that I am blessed, for the beautiful people who have helped me through it
and I am blessed, for the beautiful strength that I have found within myself.
thank you.