this is an ocean i am not prepared for

i am trying to hang on

grasping at things and people

that float by but

they grab back at me

driving me deeper into the murky waters

where i do not want to go.

 

this is an ocean i am not prepared for

because apparently,

i cannot swim

as well as i thought i could

and although i teach others not

to be afraid

my body trembles when the waves come

 

this is an ocean i am not prepared for even though

i am already standing neck deep in it

and the waves are making me dizzy

and i don't  see anyone else

and i can't touch the bottom so i forget

exactly what it is i stand for

 

i am not prepared

but i am here

slapping at the water and taking gulping breaths of air

trying to remember what breathing feels like

for the next time the waves come.

 

[R]