No one really knows me

I'm not sure what they see

But from the way they talk and look

At me

I know they don't feel close to me

Don't they know they're all I have?

Do they think I have friends elsewhere?

Some tell me I am talented

Responsible

Perfectionist

Popular

Intelligent

Beautiful

But I don't speak to them every day

They don't see me 24/7

Or they have reason to be biased (family)

How ever could they know me?

Are they deluded by images of their own imaginations?

Do they kid themselves, dreaming that I have potential?

Please oh please

Be brutally honest with me

And let me choose to defend who I am

I wish to be clear on my own identity

But do others define who I am?

I am more than what you see

But to some extent, what you see is me

And the insults are what lie silent or

In hushed heated whispers I hardly hear

For the very same out-of-it reasons they whisper

Why should she lead?

Who does she think she is,

To not try?

I imagine their voices cutting the air

Disappointment blazes from sizzling tongues

Well maybe I'm just not cut out for this!

I try and I try; I've been here all along

Trying trying trying

Am I withdrawn; do I seem unapproachable?

Do people assume that I won't let them in?

Because I would!

I will! I'll let you in!

I do not wish to discriminate

Or hurt a single thing

The problem is I tend to be

A bit shy and afraid

Still

That's me.

Maybe worse than I used to be

I guess I've always been this way—

Withdrawn, aloof,

Cold

Only too loud when supposed to be silent

Just my awkward luck

Never an outward on-purpose troublemaker

I'm just getting lost in the muck

of my own worries, and

I want someone to talk to.

I just want to be happy

And help you be happy

And be some kind of joy

A good person

A fun person

friendly, warm, inviting...

But everything is just too close

Too much

People are poised to criticize

I see the insults waiting

It makes my stomach churn

So if I seem on ice

I promise

It's just, I'm afraid to get burned