No, doctor that's not the problem

You don't understand

I'm putting guns to my head like I don't own my hands

I'm laughing so loud in a room with my friends but 

as soon as I'm home I feel slightly deranged

There's darkness inside me, doctor,

that's stopping me from living

turning the whole world grey when 

it used to be so vivid

making me a person that cannot stand

to continue living

because everything seems pointless 

and the clock just keeps on ticking

The light is still not coming to the end of my tunnel

Will there always be this black in my vision? I feel like

I'm seeing double because one moment I can't contain myself

I'm radiating light

Then all at once the sun sets and I'm struggling to survive the night

Does bliss still exist in this seemingly endless fight?

This weight on my chest is reaching a new height

Or rather low, I feel the blackness grow

I just don't know if you can fix me, doctor

Am I another lost cause?

IV's and finger pricks 

Wrap me up with gauze

You can try to heal me from the outside

But it's the inside that is off.