In a deep sleep. Feeling numb. Here they come.It's me and you; but it's not. I think. I call you my best friend. I go out of my way to make you happy. I can't even tell if you do the same. I cry every time I think about how I have to leave you in 14 months. It breaks my heart to see you hurt. Do you do and feel the same? You say you do. But we never talk about it in person. Is it even hard for you? Do you even care? I'm back for Christmas break. You don't recognize me, I guess I look different. You don't remember me...

Mirrors. Everywhere, Mirrors. Showing every angle. A word written on each one. Disgusting. Gross. Stupid. Fat. Dumb. Idiot. Liar. Crazy. Loser. The mirrors break, the glass falls, but the words remain. Someone reads a word a loud. A different voice for each word. Disgusting. Gross. Stupid. Fat. Dumb. Idiot. Liar. Crazy. Loser. They repeat, getting louder going faster. DISGUSTING. GROSS. STUPID. FAT. DUMB. IDIOT. LIAR. CRAZY. LOSER. DISGUSTING! GROSS! STUPID! FAT! DUMB! LIAR! CRAZY! LOSER!...

I'm there again. I talk about it. I feel stupid afterward. Why did I say that? Why did I admit that? What do they think? Why do I care, they are horrible people I don't care what they think. What do my friends think? Are they going to slowly distance themselves like everyone else? I'm back. You feel distant yet were texting normal, talking normal, everything seems fine, you say everything is fine. Is it?...

They're yelling and screaming, "It's your fault" "It's ALWAYS your fault" "If you weren't so stubborn this never would of happened" "Why are you like this" "It's your fault" "You're too stupid to even see it" They don't listen They won't listen. I try to explain. I try...I'm on the stage. Not A stage THE stage. There's a spot light just on me. there's an audience of a hundred, maybe even two. I perform. I look beautiful. I'm singing. I'm acting. I'm interacting. Everything's perfect. : The audience disappears. Five people remain. Five Important people. They hold up signs. They all say the same thing...I hear the sound of a horn. I hear screeching. It all goes black. I'm going in and out There's flashing lights. A crowd is forming. Still going in and out. I start to sing...I'm a wake now. I have been this whole time. I escaped for a while into my dreams. No they're not dreams. You don't remember your dreams. These were nightmares. They use to only come when I was asleep. Now they appear anytime. I don't understand why they come, why I think about these things, why I choose to be different from the rest, why I have chosen to be the diamond in the ruff or more like the coal beneath the dust. why? Why have you not yet admitted that you have nightmares too...