Never Understood

It's hard to understand that I'm fed with this hand.

I try so hard but I'm just playing with cards. Joker.

im either talking to a wall and it's not talking back 

or I'm saying my needs but I'm just getting smacked.

It's one way or the other I don't know what to do.

cruticized. Belittled. Outsider. Baboon.

it could be an exaggeration but why is that?

I'm so needy it's just a fact.

You gave me opportunities with a therapist, didn't last. 

But now I'm asking you begging, pleading

It will work

But there's money and family and she's going to say no

 NO NO NO

Yea I hear that a lot

Why do you think I dont like asking questions to anyone not even a spot

It hurts, you don't even know,
 
What's wrong with me, what's wrong
 
 I can't live up to you, can't live up to me, just God
 
Yeah it's amazing but I guess that's how it is 
 
not of this world
 
 I'm not supposed to really fit in
 
But with my family? Is that how it works? 
 
It's hard to believe but pleasing you and making you proud seems hard to achieve
 
Maybe I do I don't know why 
 
What you say is not enough to satisfy me to award me to make me feel loved 
 
I want real friends I can talk to to really keep in touch 
 
Yeah, Raelene, but more like two friends
 
Don't judge 
 
I want to help people want to care for people want to make them feel loved
 
But I just hurt people disappoint people but that's just my luck 
 
I don't know what it is it's ingrained in me I know 
 
but I cry some nights and you don't even know
 
 I just want that mom who's there for me will give me a hug rub my back and tell me it's okay to cry
 
Not "get up! Don't sulk! It's not good to dwell!"
 
If I don't take a break mom I won't feel very well
 
The options you give me I don't really like
 
So bear with me we can figure it out without a fight
 
If I had a disorder you have to try harder than that
 
(I know you're trying hard now) 
 
It'd be super stressful super bad super all worn out
 
Look at it that way be sensitive
 
It's all I need for now it'd be a really good deed
 

 

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