Heck, do I even know who I am anymore?

 

I mean, I knew who I was back in middle school…

weird, crazy, out-there, cool with everyone…

a nerdy, lovable-type kid—that was me

 

But now I’m in high school

and who am I trying to fool?

I lost that spaz and those crazy quirks

got no more jazz,

no longer that awesome dork

 

I guess I lost my identity in trying to fit in…

 

I’ve been so careful with my every move

my every spoken word, my every tweet

my every post on social-networking

struggling to prove to them that I’m normal

that I’m one of them, that I’m cool

to prove to them all that I’m not some—

freak

 

Unfortunately, it has all been for nothing

all my efforts done in vain

in spite of my struggles to prove them

that I’m an ordinary teenage girl

they still call me weird

 

If they make random, stupid eating contests

right smack-dab in the middle of class

it’s funny, it’s a joke

and no one judges them

 

But if I express my love for classical music

for artists, such as Jackie Evancho

it’s just plain weird!

I’m just plain weird,

and everyone agrees

 

I tried to be normal, you see, but to them

the only “normal” is what they do

and anything and everything

that I do is,

and will always be, “weird”

 

Oh how I regret it all!

I regret trying to be someone who I clearly am not

just for some kids’ stupid, goddamn approval

I regret forgetting about all those amazing quirks!

those talents and gifts that God gave me

I regret not expanding on my special characteristics

to be the woman who I am meant to be

I regret literally obsessing over

what will my peers think of this or that

when I shouldn’t have given a rat’s fucking ass

 

So what would I change about myself?

Well, from here on out,

I’m going to move forward and accept

and fully embrace

any fabulous qualities I uncover about myself

and hold on tight to them

because they are the ingredients I need

in order to not ever again lose my precious—

my individuality

 

Yes, I’m going to walk into class

tomorrow morning—just watch me

I’ll be cooler than I’ve ever been

I’m going to let that girl—

that nerdy, out-going,

spontaneous, fun-loving,

talented, and beautiful young woman—

expose her distinctive colors

to every one of those cookie-cutter bullies