my hands still shake

when people ask about you

i try to stop the trembling in my voice

as the flood of memories hits me

i try to write down what it feels like

because my therapist said i should

but the only word that i could form was “pain”

and i couldn’t have described it any better

i remember

you calming the violent seas in my mind

now i drown myself in cough syrup to try to sleep

but you still linger in my dreams

my hands still shake

when people ask about you

you’re in my veins

and i can’t forgive you for that