I wake up in the morning and honestly I don't have the strength to move.
But I do.
There's so much I've been hiding from everyone for several years.
This is why you don't understand.
Hun, my depression is a tear in my own heart.
I can't even be happy anymore.
My own therapist tells me that she thinks I have a more of a serious problem.
I don't know anymore.
I just feel like I'm never going to be okay.
I feel like a constant mistake.
I'd be lucky enough to just be happy for even a few hours.
I'm constantly hurting.
I don't know what it is and I don't want to do this anymore.
"You don't understand," they say.
What do you mean "I dont understand?"
I understand more than you think I do.
I understand the pain that I feel at night.
I understand what it's like to cry myself to sleep every night.
I understand what it's like to sit in my own chair and write just to keep these thought out.
I understand the torture that a person goes through.
That a mind goes through.
That I go through.
I'm drowning in my own tears.
In reality It's getting harder to breathe.
And honestly I don't know how to cope with all this anger in me.
I'm hurting and I just can't do this no more.
I'm breaking and all I'm doing is falling apart.
There's nothing here for me anymore.
And nobody wants to listen.
I really don't want to wake up in the morning.
I don't want to go on through-out the day around people because I'm scared.
I'm scared of so many things and I just can't get over myself.
I'm scared of how people see me.
I don't want to cry anymore.
My depression captivates me in my self hate.
My depression makes me think that no matter what I do I just won't be good enough.
My depression is a shape shifter. One minute I'm happy and the next I just want to die.
My depression is like another form of captivity, that whenever I try to scream nobody listens.
My depression holds me captive like drugs hold the mind captive.
My depression is not wanted and I can not live another day in self hate.
My depression holds me captive and you're the one who don't understand.