Missing You

Fri, 11/08/2013 - 04:05 -- OTO2013


AS Christmas gets closer I'm reminded you're not with us :( No matter how many years it's been, it doesn't hurt any less :( I'm as happy as I've ever been but I'm not complete, I'm missing my first born son <3 How much I want u hear n wish I could hold u and kiss u softly one last time can't be explained. I watch ur lil brother Jolain so full of energy and love and I can't help but wonder who u'd b today if our higher power did not need an angel <3 

          I'll never get over having to watch you take your last breath, how I got trough it I'll never know :( I still wonder to this day but not there is not a moment I regret, loved every moment. lil did I know our time together was limited <3  At 22 I was still a child, I believed my love could make u all better but it wasn't enuff, for years I blamed myself. Older now I know I'm not to blame, there was nothing I could have done to save you :( 

My first born son <3you're on my mind and in my heart every moment of everyday, I might smile but as everyone celebrates Christmas I'm dying inside :( You should be here Justin and Jolain would love nothing more than to have his big brother here .... I could type till my fingers were numb and the pain of loosing you and not having you with us could not come close to explain <3 


I know your by my side and you'll give me strenght to get trough these painful Holidays but I can;t help wish you'd b here with all of us <3 


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