Maybe I Don't Know What Love Is

My hair has been falling

Out in clumps in my hairbrush

Because you convinced even that to give up on me,

Along with my friends and my family

Because you convinced me that

All I need is you.

This isn’t love.

 

This is staying up until 3 am

Because I can’t stop crying

Because you raised your voice

All because I refused to give you

The passcode to my phone.

This is not love.

 

This is turning over in my sleep

Because my bones dig into my mattress at night

Because you told that maybe I should skip lunch from now on

Because I gained a few pounds and

“Babe, you don’t look healthy with that extra weight”.

Somehow starving myself for the figure

That girls, including myself, were literally dying for

Is more acceptable than what I had for dinner.

This can’t be love.

 

I don’t understand.

What used to be as sweet as honey

Has turned into sour milk

That I, for some reason,

Can’t figure out how to get rid of.

Maybe love can change.

 

You used to hold me

As if I had the beauty of the entire

Milky way in my skin and the shine

Of a full moon in my hair.

That was love.

 

I used to stay up late

Because I couldn’t stop smiling

Because you told me you loved me

And not because of the bruises

I have lining my back from you.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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