Who am I?

I can’t tell you even if I try

I want to be the real me

But if you look then you would see

All the hurt and pain

All the lies and the crazy times

It all was for his gain

He was the one who put this mask here

And it stayed up

Not by glue but by fear

Now it is stuck

Never to come undone

And if by some luck

It ever falls

I will still have these walls

 

I see people smiling

Laughing like people should

They don’t even realize

And they definitely don’t see

How wrong it feels just to be me

That I am not comfortable even in my own skin

After all that has happened and all that was ‘meant to be’

I feel as though to be the real me

Would be like a sin

To be me

Would feel awkward and out of place

If I were really me people wouldn’t even know my face

 

They see this girl

All bright and cheery

They would never know how leery

I am of them all

Waiting for this sick game to end

Wishing all I had was a friend

If one person would reach out and call

Call to me that they are good

That they understand

That I am misunderstood

To tell me I can be whole

That I can regain control

Someone to tell me that it was him not me

To say that if I want to I really can break free

Of the bounds I have let him chain

The ones that he held me with

As I cried for mercy

When he showed me none

 

They will never know

How much easier it is

To hide behind this curtain

To pretend that I am not me

That I am brave

And beautiful and strong

They won’t know that to me

Those adjectives are all wrong

That I am none of those things

That I feel like I could hide

Stay behind the stage in the wings

And no one would know I am missing

That there once was a time I was on center stage

Now I am lucky if I want to see the lights

And not run away and cry with rage

At what he did

And all I let him do

That he took my innocence and charm

That all he did was cause me harm

 

So ask why this curtain won’t come down

Or why I can’t just be me

You will soon surely see

That this mask that he has glued on with hate

Has become me