Lulling Lies

It was a discordant ray of praises and worship songs of joy and glory

But the most glaring person present was the one I never wanted in my present

A bright yellow shirt, how fitting?

All I need is for him to get out of my life quite frankly, how can I be expected to respect the person who has never shown respect within the past nine years

Don’t tell me that this doesn’t involve me, because if you didn’t consider the fact that my life is very much intertwined with yours,

Then why did you bother having me?

Why did you bother to start a family, if you didn’t intend to involve me in all parts of your life?

Because as your kid, you should be doing everything in your power to provide for my future, and show that you love me

Because, lately you haven’t been showing that you are,

You would apologize to the one who has forgiven you for what you did to us, not call her the abuser, not kick us out of the house our childhood memories were created and made in,

And certainly not play the victim, because you are nothing but a villain,

With venom in their veins, you are not the dad I used to know, the one that would play hide and go seek,

Dad where are you I am tired of seeking for the person I used to know,

Please stop pretending to be someone you are not,

Because it is tearing me apart,

Dad I could not speak to you without breaking down in tears

Dad why did you show up that day when you were asked not to

Dad, how come you don’t understand just how much pain you have inflicted upon us, and when will you realize that I will no longer be your little girl?

Please do not sing nighttime lullabies that used to put me to sleep,

I am not your sunshine, I am your worst nightmare now, your greyest, thundercloud reality of them all.

Don’t tell me that I make you happy when your skies are grey, you aren’t allowed to whisper those sunshine lies to me anymore,

The thought of you does not help me sleep,

You are a nightmarish dream turned reality, and I wish you would just leave

Because no matter how hard I try to erase you from my life, you will not budge, I cannot take you out of my memory.

When I look in the mirror I still see half of you and half of mom, but no one will ever see the trauma you have caused to me.

If I were to get an x-ray there would be no diagnosis for daddy-issues, and yet I’m supposed to move on,

I promise you that I am, but every time I think that I am,

You reappear out of nowhere

And so all I need, is for you to leave.

Forever.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741