Love Bomb

When you turn up the loving it heals the broken parts of me.

You create a love so strong it takes my sight, it’s blinding.

Feels so damn good, there has to be something special about me.

Speaking in plurals, it’s not you or me, it’s us and we.

Feasting off this love, fills my cup, it’s satisfying.

Our eyes meet, the love ignite, I can’t see a future between us without you and me.

I hope you are who you say you are or at least pretend to be.

Love strong enough to keep me stagnant, even when you ghost me.

Adoration clouds my vision of the abuse and pain inflicted upon me, by me.

Building me up, then smashing me down when you are ugly and disrespectful towards me.

I’m questioning the validity of the love maliciously imprinted upon me.

This obsession will be the death of me surely.

Begging and pleading for you to choose to behave nicely.

Approach me with respect and kindness.

This is no dictatorship, you’re not worth the greeting “Your Highness.”

Love so intoxication to the point of choking and suffocating me.

Got me running down, playing the fool, I must be the junky you called me.

But this love forms a barrier to the common sense gifted to me.

And here I am, right back in the car with you in the driver’s seat.

This love and pain are stubborn stains bound to be on repeat.

No one gets it, neither do I, yet this still criticize and should say less, take several seats.

Despite how many times he hurts me, abandons me, and controls me emotionally.

I am committed to the belief that his love is real, not imaginary.

I just wish we were normal, squares even, but this love is a burden I chose to carry.

Wishing things were different, but there is no such thing as fairies.

No genie in a bottle to grant my wish, he won’t ever time himself down and marry me.

His true ability to love me is unimportant and irrelevant to me, obviously.

My addiction to this love is all I see, so down through there is where he will take me.  

Willingly I will go, he is seeing just how far he can push me.

Just being around and in his presence, he says should be enough to prove that he loves me.

Because “obviously”, he wouldn’t be somewhere he doesn’t want to be.

Repeating the cycle, continuing to feed off my emotionality and sensitivity.
Slowly but surely breaking me down, making my soul bleed.

This love gives zero effort to provide for my basic human needs.

If something good occurs, best believe there is a motive, wait and see.

I hate that I love him, even his mother said she was sorry he ever met me.

Lord please take this delusion, this compulsion away from me, I am on my knees.

I am fixated on a love that does not love or value me.

He has damaged me, there is no way I could go back to being trusting.

Lusting to be closer to him, holding my breath until my turn comes to get some attention I need.

Writing, but not fighting for the lost girl that used to be me.

Not recognizing the image reflecting back at me, who’s she?

I’m delusional, believing I would be lost without you standing beside me.

Surely a mental diagnosis fits, I need a doctor to medicate me please.

Help me detach from the pain of living, help me become a zombie.

I’m already just existing, only time I feel alive is when he is inside me.

This love is dangerous between you and me.

Sooner or later this love will overwhelm, take over me, bend me, hopefully won’t break me.

One day prioritize my love for self, maybe I will flee, break free.

Start healing the hurt parts of me, get over the fear of being lonely.

The single path to accomplish this is through No Contact only.

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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