Hey little me,

How is 9th grade treating you?

Still scared of talking to boys?

Still terrified to admit you like girls?

I know your grades are slipping.

And no, it's not because you're stupid

It's probably because you can't get out of bed in the morning

Probably because the idea of walking into a clasroom makes you want to cry

The feeling of everyone's eyes on you keeps you up at night, too

So how could you manage good grades?

You're too tired anyway

Little me, I know it hurts you to walk around alone all the time

And I can't say that ever really stops

But you'll feel better about it real soon

You'll start to feel grateful you avoided all the drama of superficial friends

You'll spend less time crying in bed about it

And more time focusing on homework and studying

And, believe me, I know that sounds dull as hell

But it's gonna be during these times when you're happiest

You'll never smile more than when you ace a test

Or when grandpa claps at your essays

It's all more fulfilling than you think

But that's not what you're tryly worried about, huh?

It's the eyes, huh?

Everyone stares at you while you walk into school

School's a judgemental place

And that doesn't really stop either

But what does stop is your caring

You realize that you're a pretty good person

And if people don't want to get to know you because your skirt is too long

Or your shoes don't match your outfit

Then they're missing out

You'll feel bad for those who are too shallow to make genuine connections

The crying in bathrooms stops

The suffocating stops

The eyes stop.

Little me, the best part about your future isn't even the end of all your problems

You're gonna meet people and have experiences that make you put down the knife

You'll feel a lot more confident in this 'being alive' business

And even if the eyes are still on you

And you feel like you can't breathe again,

Just know that so many people love you

And there are so many who have yet to love you

And you need to give yourself the chance to love you too

Hold onto that hope.

Sincerely,

An older, wise, but most importantly a lot happier

You