You know I used to keep a list of reasons to stay and reasons to go.

A side effect of of mixing OCD with Depression, like putting a red sock in the dryer with white underwear.

Never really expecting to make a decision. I’ve never really been great at making decisions.

What shirt to wear

What food to order

What unhealthy coping mechanism to turn to when life gets too hard.

But I never had trouble picking you

I never debated not choosing you

You just felt so natural, so sure.

I never expected your name to go from one list to the other.

Never expected to still think about you years after you’ve forgotten me.

Just like I never expected you to ask me to kiss you.

But I at least expected you to stay

To talk to me

To tell me why I wasn’t good enough.

To explain why you left my lists uneven

An odd way to say “I don’t love you”

Explain why after blocking all your profiles I can still see your face?

It makes me wonder how many other lists bare your name