When I shower, I turn the lights off.
Even though my eyes are already accustomed to the darkness I see in myself.
I turn the lights off so I can hide myself from God because
Even though God makes no mistakes I think to myself
I am his first
In the darkness my demons can see me ever more clearly
Move ever so swiftly
They ridicule me
What they fail to realize, however
Is that they are at my beck and call.
When I shower I turn the lights off so I don’t have to see my own naked body.
And when my friends ask if I’m having sex with my boyfriend
I remember that when I shower I turn the lights off.
In this dark oasis
The warm water cascades down my back as I kneel in mock prayer
Hoping that no one else feels this way
Because my everyday is wishing that I didn’t feel this shame that clings to me
This static electricity attracts whispers of pity and mockery that no one thinks I know about.
However I could be putting insults in other people’s mouths because
When I shower I turn the lights off
And my own taunts caress my extra sixty pounds of flesh and
Brand themselves themselves on my back
So that others know what to call me.
And as my confidence fades
So does my light
Because now I keep the lights off even when I’m clothed
Because when I shower I turn the lights off and
I cannot wash off the filth that weighs down my soul.