A letter to my used to be mom

I'm sorry

I'm sorry that I have ever cursed at you 

I'm sorry that I have made you cry 

I'm sorry for every black eye you gave me 

I'm sorry for every time I said "Please, Stop, No." 

I'm sorry for the times you didn't hear me

I'm sorry he hit you instead of me that one time

I'm sorry that you dealt with so much hurt

I'm sorry i told the social worker at school

I'm sorry for having to lie to DCFS

I'm sorry for hiding the bruises, they eventually went away

I'm sorry that you only said "I love you" when you were drunk 

I'm sorry for being "your biggest mistake" 

I'm sorry for saving my little sisters from hurt

For wanting so much more for them

Mom don't you understand you are not you when you're on drugs

You are not you when you are drunk

You are someone else that I don't recall

Those nights, I mean those mornings you came home drunk

and I had to pick you up off the couch 

that wasn't you

I tried so hard to hold your hand when the storms got tough

But it seemed that a storm happened every 10 minutes

I told you to not be afraid because I was a fighter 

But the battle wasn't one I thought I'd ever be in

I can hear you cry 

I can hear you sniff every last bit of cocaine from your vanity

I can see you grow weaker and weaker everyday

I can see a smile but I can also see pain

I don't know when I lost you and I don't know how

But I miss the old you and when you find her 

Tell her I'll be waiting, arms wide open waiting to hug her

and make sure she knows

everything is going to be alright. 




This poem is about: 
My family


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741