I've never turned down a dare.
They call me fearless,
I don't tell them I cry most nights because of the unknown.
I do what I want when I want.
They call me bold,
I don't speak up to tell them they're wrong in fear of starting an argument.
I wear shorts year around.
They call me confident,
I don't tell them that I starve myself for days to be able to look at myself in the mirror.
No one know these things about me,
not even my closet friends.
It seems so strange to me the concept of lovers,
the idea someone can know everything about their partner,
even their most well kept secret.
I have never had a boyfriend and the thought seems alien to me,
why would I want to expose myself to someone like that?
What if they don't accept me and all my flaws?
Or what if I can't accept theirs?
I live my life never knowing what will happen next,
I am your typical 'rebellious teenager',
doinng stupid stunts for no reason.
Some assume it's for attention,
some think it's to gain respect.
In reality it's not that complex,
my life is like a slow paced movie,
In the past few years nothing has changed,
I go to school and make decent grades,
my father drinks,
my mother yells,
and my siblings cry.
Everyone assumes my family is perfect,
married parents, four kids, and a dog.
But most night we are far from your typical family.
I learned from my dad, first hand that you never talk back,
if you do, you will get hit.
Most days I dress in black,
never knowing which day he'll go to far and kill me.
They call me brave, bold, confident,
but those are the last words I think of when I'm crying on my kitchen floor with a broken nose and a black eye.