I can’t stand these dreams anymore.

First, they started as simple nightmares.

Now they control my days and my nights.

I’m exhausted all while awake, but then dread falling asleep knowing ill be restless and tortured again.

They’ve grown. Evolved.

I feel the pain.

Wake up with the same bruises and scratches I receive asleep.

I’ve woken up with the same stab wounds I collected in my nightmares.

I have watched my life be taken countless times.

I have been raped.

Beaten.

Shot.

Tied up and hung.

But I got used to those.

The worst ones are ones I shall never be used to.

I have seen my family tied to posts on the street.

I have watched each one I love collapse in front of me while I couldn’t move.

I have watched their throats spill blood.

Their minds become lost to the madness.

Their skulls broken by bullets

and knifes

and wood

and… the list goes on.

I’ve been burned at the stake.

After watching those I love first be burned.

My significant other has left me more times than I would like to recall.

And I remember

Every.

Single.

Time.

And no one believes me.

When I say it was real.

‘It’s only a dream.’

‘Get over it.’

But I don’t know…

My reality must be warped.

I can’t tell the difference

Between earth

here

where you are living and breathing,

and my dreamland

there

where I believe to be alive and breathing.

But it’s only a dream…

 

 

right?