For the longest time I kept blaming myself, trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
Why was I never goo enough for anyone? Was there something wrong with me that I wasn't able to see?
I was never good at making friends, and I had a guard up because I was hurt so much in the past,
And I was never able to keep friendships, and it seemed as if they were never built to last.
When it came to relationships, I always believed in happily ever after, miracles, and romance,
And I always wanted to believe that it would pay off if I were to try and take that chance.
However, it would aways hurt me so bad when I was told that girls get a yes when they would ask a guy out,
But I would always get a no, and it left me feeling so insecure and having a lot of doubt.
For a long time, I was left feeling so alone and wondering what was wrong with me,
But I feel like I am slowly starting to allow myself to believe what I feel, and it is alowing me to be free.
I am tired of sitting in my room, crying and wondering why I can't just be okay,
But I realized that it is because I am trying to hold onto things that are not be here to stay.
I am tired of thinking that I am not good enough and that I will never find true love,
Because I am slowly starting to realize that all the 'no's' I got were just blessings from above.
I am no longer putting my worth into someone else's hands, because I know that they are going to let it drop,
And by carrying it myself, than there is no way that it is ever going to be stopped.
I am no longer going to cry myself to sleep wondering where I went wrong with everyone,
Because I am tired of being the bigger person, and the girl who put up with everyone's bullshit is done.
I finally realized that maybe you knew you were never good enough for me, and that was where we went wrong,
Because you knew that you woulnd't be able to handle me, becasue mentally and physically I am too strong.
You threw away someone who was always going to be there for you, especially becasue there are many sides to me that you have never seen,
But it was my mistake for thinking you were mature, and I need to remind myself that you are a boy, and that you are only eighteen.
The same thing goes with friends, and I realized that I am no longer going to allow myself to get hurt,
Because I was always there for everyone when they needed me, but when I needed someone, they all just left me there to lie in the dirt.
I am promising myself that I am no longer putting up with anyone's bullshit, and that I need to stand up for me,
And that things are no longer going to be the way that they used to be.
Everyone can go on and carry on with their lives,
Because I am no longer going to be used and keep facing getting stabbed in the back with your knives.
Maybe I read everything wrong, maybe I do love too much, and think that people have a pure heart,
But I should have realized that this was never true from the start.
I am no longer going to allow people to hurt me, because I am going to hide a way for a while,
And I am not going to be back until I feel likemyself again, and I am genuinely able to smile.