This Is It

We, class of 2015, are embarking on the last days of this chapter. To some it couldn't have come quick enough, for others you'll be holding on to everyday like its the last. I know for me, I've been looking forward to this day since I first saw a high school, since I first looked up to the seniors when I was in elementary school. I remember that day because I looked at them and thought 'man they seem to have it all together. I can't wait to be like them.' So I would day dream about what it would be like to be a senior in high school. Little did I know that high school was going to be the best and worst years of my life (except for middle school, those truly were the worst days for us all) Good ole beech high school has taught me a lot the past three years and not the things that we are sent there to learn every day, but things about the real world that I didn't know this time 2012 walking into the annex for the first time. But that is for another blog. This one is to explain how much time we have left.

We normally have 180 days of school. We all know this because we've normally count them down every day of the year. Sometimes it's less because of snow days and for seniors, well there are a couple skip days thrown in there and also the days we aren't required to be there near the end, so lets go a head and say that seniors go maybe 160 days on average give or take. A school day is roughly eight hours. 160 eight hour days equal 1,280 hours. That's it. To some that may seem like a lot and to some it's scary. To me it's scary. Why? Because every day we pass faces in the halls of those who used to be us. The pictures of the classes before us up on that wall. They were the senior jocks, cheerleaders, comedians, academic students, couples, friends, just like we are today. I know because both of my parents are on the walls I pass every day. And soon we'll be those faces that our kids will one day pass. Every day I look at those people and in the back of my mind, I wonder who they all were. I wonder if they had the same struggles as us. I wonder if the hated the cafeteria food as much as we did. I wonder if they found love here just like us or lost love just like us. I wonder about all the times they've laughed cried over the four years represented by each individual photo. I wonder what they regret and what they don't. I wonder about all the risks they took and all the lives that were changed. And then I wonder how'll I'll be able to answer all these questions one day but it all starts when that last hour is up and we are all standing around on stage together wearing goofy looking hats, praying we don't trip when we go across stage. That'll be us in less than a year and truth be told it terrifies me to the core. Not just because I'll have to leave all I've known for the past six years, all the people I've grown to love. Not because we'll be moving on to bigger and greater things. It terrifies me because I already have regrets about all the things I did and didn't do the past three years. It terrifies me because I fear that I'll look back and wish that I would have told that person about Jesus or someone that I care about them. I fear that I'll be so caught up in what others think now that I won't think about the long run.

Some of my friends think I'm too sentimental about high school and they are right about being sentimental but I'm also passionate about it. I'm passionate about it because I'm scared of the inevitable regret that lies a head. I'm passionate because I've missed the past three years to make this place my mission field and my battle ground. I'm passionate because with out this place, I never would have met some of the amazing people I have and had some of the amazing opportunities I've had. So am I going to miss beech high school itself, no, the building smells like old people. Am I going to miss all the people, relationships, memories, traditions, games, pep rallies, awful food but good talks at lunch, good and bad hair days, crappy tests, laughter, tears, laughing so hard it brings you to tears, seeing the person you like and getting butterflies in the hallway, and crammed hallways that smell like BO. Heck yes. Because to me that is what makes up the best and worst years of our lives. If that makes me too sentimental, then so be it.

Many people have told me I'm lucky I've come to these realizations before my senior year even starts, I don't think that luck is the case. I think that there have been many who have realized this before and now. I just want to do something about it. Wanna hear another fear I have that about this year? I fear that it won't be extraordinary. You might say I put to much expectation on this year or that I'm too optimistic. I look around at our class of  2015 and I see world changers. I see how much we can make a difference if we just forget what we all think. I see our class could be the first of its kind. I see that if we can let go of all the drama and fear and judgement and insecurities and labels and for once were all just real and admit that we have all of those problems and just have respect for one another then maybe we can do something incredible and be extraordinary. We could make a difference and change the way people look at a senior class. Class of 2015, we can be great.

You may find this cheesy and weird. And it is .But I'm tired of not saying something because it could be cheesy or weird. I've learned to accept my cheesiness (probably God given) and try my best to do something great with it. I would rather face you calling something that is a passion of mine weird today than deal with myself telling me that I shouldn't have cared what others thought because its something I love. So for our one last time, I'm giving it my all. I'm going to do serve others with all that I have. I'm going to represent Christ with all that I have. I'm going to cheer and yell and scream at football games with all that I have (sorry for those who know how loud I am). I'm going to love others with all that I have, I'm going to be the best daughter, sister, friend, student with all that I have. Because nothing great ever comes from half way. You either give it your all or you look back and wish you would have.


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