I'm Not Sure Who

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She knows she is going somewhere, but is she? She knows she pushed hard, but did she move? Her legs carry her far, but to nowhere. Her talents drag her up a high mountain only to drop her down into an icy water fall that keeps falling. Did she hit the bottom? She doesn’t know because she was already cold before hitting the water. She doesn’t know what the bottom is she doesn’t know how far she is looking up or if she is looking up at all. What if she isn’t even awake What if her eyes aren’t even open? What if her eyes are the only ones open and she’s the only one who sees the world. But what if there really isn’t a world or at least not a world for her. What if everyone is something she conjured up from her imagination but she can’t even imagine what a life would be worth living She knows she is alive, but she doesn’t know if she is alive. She knows she is in love but does love even love her or even feel good at all? She walks in circles or at least she thinks it’s a circle maybe it’s just an escalator with the stairs moving towards her and not up. She doesn’t know anything yet she knows everything about everyone and she can’t even say it. She speaks but can’t hear her own voice and no one bothers to listen anyways. They all pretend to listen but she can’t even see their ears. She sees their eyes though but nothing behind the eyes or does she? She might see a soul trapped in the generation of shallowness or she might see a hollow heart. Does she even know the difference between the two? She thinks she does but then again she doesn’t even know if she has a soul herself but if she does she knows it’s with God looking down upon what she thinks to be the world and not here with her. But what is here with her she doesn’t even know if it’s real or not if she is sane or not. She doesn’t even know if she feels or if she feels too much about things that don’t exist. She knows happy endings exist but she doesn’t even know what a happy ending is. Happy is the dictionary and happy is a word she uses but it’s just a sound made up of letters and who made letters did this person even know what happy means? Everyone knows that everyone wants it-happiness but everyone says things that isn’t true just like happiness’ meaning. She doesn’t know if she has meaning or even if she is meant to be here She might be a mistake or maybe the world is a mistake and her dreams are the real world Who makes mistakes anyways? Everyone is what everyone thinks and what she thinks but she doesn’t know what she knows about her own mistakes. She knows that her mistakes lead her with her talents up this mountain but were they even going up? Was it even a mountain or really just a space in time? She thinks how every choice leads her to another choice and it never ends but where did it even start to begin with? She knows she started but she doesn’t know what she started or if there is an end or what a start or end is.

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