I'm Not Saying Sorry (I'm Not Invisible)



I’m not saying sorry,

but you must forgive me,

because you once said, “after all we are your family.”

I’m not mad at what i did,

i’m not mad at what i wrote,

i’m mad that you can’t understand why.

I am depressed, i am alone, 

and that was my way of my own, not another.

Why won’t you talk to me?

This is why i think i should of kept my mouth shut.

Now you’re not talking to me, father?

Accept what i did,

You have a right to be mad,

I’m not expecting you to be glad.

But i don’t see why you can’t talk to your daughter, 

because now you’re making me feel much farther.

Away from you then i did before, 

i feel like you opened a million doors.

Shut them all faster than i can blink, 

and now i don’t know what to think.

You can’t shut me out, 

no matter how hard you try,

and if you say you can, 

i know that it’s a lie.

But you’re making me feel so locked inside,

and the key is in the center of the eye.

Of a hurricane and you’re not blaming yourself?

cause it wasn’t you,

 it was an internal conflict with myself.

That was my way of getting it out,

I still have a hard time trying to figure things out.

I now feel like something’s wrong with me. 

I have to go to Statesville for therapy.

For something i could’ve stopped on my own.

I did it before so why not again?

I don’t know.

You wanted me to let you in,

and when i do you shut me out?

How is this fair? How is that right?

Well i guess i know how it feels.

To be feeling the way you do now,

trying to understand why i did what i did.

Trying to understand why you’re not talking to me.

I’m not invisible.

I see that now. 

I’m not invisible.

If it’s this easy to turn off your daughter,

i should use your method against my thoughts.

I have the devil on one shoulder, and an angel on the side,

and the devil is pulling me under within one step in his stride.

The angel keeps calling my name,

and the other day, i let the angel win the game.

It wasn’t easy for me to say “i have a problem,”

it wasn’t easy for me to feel on trial.

It wasn’t easy for me to throw away,

what i used and pledge to never make that mistake again.

You see?

I make stupid choices,

but i still have more than one voice and

i want you to see,

that i don’t care.

If you can’t talk to me,

i’ll be fine.

If you are someone to make me feel ashamed,

and think that something is truly wrong with me,

you’re not someone i want to talk to.

So thank you, for making me realize that today.

From this day forward, i pledge to me 

and to the ones who help me,

i shall never harm myself again in anyway.

If i dare think to i’ll remember this day.

When i finally realized there’s nothing wrong with me.

I reached out for help i guess that you didn’t see,

so when you make up your mind and act your age,

and understand i’m not an animal in a cage.

Talk to me.

I’ll talk to you,

as long as you don’t make feel blue.

For if you do,

then you will see, 

i can use your method. 


You’ll be as invisible as i was to you, as you are to me.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741