you can only get so deep before bursting into tears

being vulnerable is hard before it’s easy

where’s the key that opens up all the locks 

that open up the doors before everything comes flowing out

 

it won’t be long before you’re empty

it’s when stopping stops being tempting

it’s when your thoughts just start shifting

and your life keeps on tipping 

and your feelings just start sifting 

through the cracks of the floor, you’re tripping

not gripping 

the idea of being not thrown, but being safe on the ground

 

silence

just silence

white noise and white walls and dark holes

where are you?

no one knows

 

as if your lifelessness wasn’t enough

as if your identity couldn’t amount to anything

can you breathe?

as if your powerlessness didn’t name you “Nothing"

 

are you nothing?

or are you something being hindered from doing anything to give you value

what is your value?

can you define it?

can you use it a sentence?

 

i’m not finished!

A - N - X - I - E - T - Y

me

when was the definition of me so wrong

who told me my value would be

a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension

who told me I would be nothing

 

Not Him

Oh not Him who sits upon the throne

Not Him who gives me rest

He who knows my true name knows my true identity

 

I call on Him and He takes care of me

He waits for me patiently to answer Him who calls me first 

Oh not Him, He loves me

 

“For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” - Psalm 139:13-14

 

Father now I know it is only Satan that tells lies

And I will not take comfort in them any longer

I will take comfort in Your truth and embrace it fully

Oh let Your everlasting arms surround me and give me joy

 

Now I’m shouting, crying with joy 

because He has taken my pain from me

He has pulled me from those dark holes to vast mountaintops

I now dream in color with the sweetest of melodies

 

Oh how I cannot keep to myself what the LORD HAS DONE FOR ME!

 

you can only get so deep before bursting into tears

being vulnerable is hard but it gets easy

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