If You're Wondering, This Poem is About You
You taught me that my body was for lease, that I was there for rent every time your "friend" kicked you out of your place, you signed our contract with rhymes cause you knew I've always had a thing for emcees, wanted to find love like Zeke and Mylene I fell asleep counting my worth instead of counting sheep and my dreams fell into a well - look down and see nothing but a bottomless pit you told me that I needed to stop playing around cause you refused to engage in childish behavior maybe I should have told your past self not to mess with a 15 year old knowing you were 3 years her senior maybe you forgot I had to rush my growth, turn into someone I'm not to catch up to your level, maybe you forgot I wasn't meant for this type of grown up play. I never was an actor. But you've always been a player. Athlete for everything, basketball, baseball, soccer, football, track, played girls in between seasons so well you got varsity letters from all over, letters to say you fucked me over and always new numbers to attach to the back of your jersey like digits always attracted to your phone, under names you'd say were just homies. I mean, when you're a rapper you always gotta have connections right? When you're a rapper, there's other ways to get to the limelight and you gotta do what you gotta do even though we're in a city hailed for its brotherly love, you complain that nobody shows up when it comes to supporting people outside their crew, like you don't go and do the same things too. You out here saying half these people weirdos cause they think they "cool" wearing their thrifted Tommy Hilfiger like tommy chill, I figured you'd at least have some common sense trying to bring down others when you barely got some cents, saying you out here getting figures when you don't even got a solid plan for the future. And how you out here losing change but claiming you got dimes by your side, you think gambling's just a game but when it comes to how you deal, the chips are down. You keep telling people you don't mess with birds especially the ones that don't fly, say you're fine on the ground but your music claims the sky, you can blame it on the money or the thrill of being young, but you never knew how to keep your tongue down. And you taught me how to play this mind game, so I thought I could add my name into your lane, though I'm not cut out for the rap game, I just wanted to give you this taste to satiate your thirst. And listen I wrote this cause I was hurting, just wanted to be heard and I knew that you'd hardened yourself against me, I thought maybe if I got at you using your own ways, that you'd really feel my pain. But at this point of the day, I'm wondering if my intentions are still the same. Do I want you to feel the burden of hearing my name on your friends backs or do I just wanna run tracks till your rank drops?