If Only to Fit In

Some people hide their depression

their sorrow, pain, and loneliness

behind a forced smile.

One that's not genuine.

What about me?

And I one of those people?

I have a smile,

a smile that sometimes might be a little too wide,

but it is real, nonetheless.

I don't hide any scars on my body,

except for the ones I've acquired

on my many adventures.

I don't hide a fear that I am too fat,

or that I am too tall,

or that I am ugly,

like many teens do.

 

But everyone hides something

 

I am no exception.

 

What do I hide?

What is something nobody knows about me?

What don't I announce to the world?

 

My accomplishments.

My aspirations

Dreams

Goals

 

Why do I need to put myself in the limelight

and take attention away from those who really need it?

People who have nothing, who are struggling to survive.

Why would I want people to treat me any differently?

To think that I am too good for them,

or that I know too much and am so smart

just because I went to the International Science and Engineering Fair,

when I don't even know how I made it there.

 

People try to justify my past to make themselves feel better:

“Oh, the only reason you won that scholarship is

Because you're a minority and

I'm just white”

People feel intimidated by me.

Why would I want any of that?

 

I just want a normal life,

to fit in with people my age.

This won't stop me from pursuing my passions.

It's only that,

Nobody needs to know that I am applying to Yale

that I won a $10,000 scholarship,

that I pass every test,

don't procrastinate,

volunteer at the state archives,

knit and sew my own things,

like photography,

drawing, and

writing poetry.

Nobody needs to know that.

It doesn't concern them.

 

It's my life, as busy as it is,

And I love it.

But I still want to have the life of a normal teen.

So I hide most of it behind a curtain.

Unspoken,

Unknown

Out of sight, out of mind

So I blend in with the rest.

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