I thought I loved you

 

Two hearts melding into one.

A picture of joy and happiness. Of completeness.

I was glowing in my first love, my first kiss, my first belief in something more than friends

I thought I loved you

 

When we broke apart, I broke apart

I texted you over and over again.

I messaged you. I tried to get a hold of you.

I wanted to hold on to you.

I thought I loved you

 

You blocked my number. You blocked my social media. You blocked my heart.

I was left shattered. Glass pieces to sharp to pick up.

I tried to get over myself but you came up in my dreams.

I remember your lips. your smile. your laugh.

I thought I loved you

 

When I came out of a lovers haze I remembered.

I remembered going days without talking to you because you didn’t want to talk

I remember late night phone calls in which you were too drunk to remember.

I remember my first kiss… You were so intoxicated.

I remember walking with you in the dark, praying I wouldn’t get raped.

I remember being dumb enough to sacrifice my safety

Because I thought I loved you.

 

I tried to fill you. I tried to fill the hole.

I thought that if I found someone like you then I would be complete.

Maybe if I just found someone else who cared as little about me as you did I would be okay

I just needed love and I thought what you gave was love.

I thought I loved you.

 

Even as I say these words I’m not over you.

I’m still trying to fill you with people who don’t care about me

I’m still trying to get over my first love

I see you around and it breaks me

You don’t acknowledge me

I thought you loved me

 

You told me it was a game

You weren’t serious about anything but that kiss

That kiss felt serious to me because it was my first one

I was going to lose my virginity to you because

I thought I loved you

 

I write to numb my pain. You drink to numb your pain

When you told me your secrets I knew that you were hoping

Hoping for someone to fix you and I thought I could

I thought love could but

I never loved you.