i never suspected that
i never suspected that
i would spend so much time
trying to pick things out
from under my skin.
how do i articulate this pain?
it taps on the windows at night
and makes me restless,
let me in,
and i’m trying.
it dies down to a dull ache
that will thud there
until i let it win,
drown it in pills and indigestion.
i think i am killing myself,
slowly letting this consume me,
eat me alive,
it’s like i’m begging it to.
i am stuck in a constant cycle
of do-what-you-can to survive
and it’s never enough
to get through tomorrow.
-I am trudging my way through the days, weeks, months