I blame you. I blame you for my completely shattered trust,

i blame you for the countless arguments of dramatic cussing

back and forth and each day ending in acts of lust. 

Because i cant even walk into a room without having to walk alongside the walls 

so that that way theres atleast one direction i dont have to keep my guard up for.

Because layer by layer you peeled back my self esteem, self confidence, self worth 

sewing in doubt and anxiety before replacing the skin. 

Because when you heard me say i would do anything to keep you,

you grinned.

Because everytime a new guy slides their hand a little too far down my back 

while hugging my goodbye

i feel piercing stabs all the way down my spine, 

But thats okay. Because atleast now i know i have one.

So when i say i blame you, what i really mean to say is thank you. 

because no longer do i have to rely on walls to give me protection 

when i have the handsof God fighting every battle coming from every direction.

Because i can look into a mirror and smile because i no longer see you 

standing behind me nailing a board to my chest with your name on it as if i were

something you owned,

but instead i see my God peeling back all of my layers and removing everything

in me that you had sewn. 

Because my indentity does not come from you, but its because of you

that i found who i am. without you, but in him.

So thank you.