I am...Not What I Thought I'd Be

I am 16 years old. 

I am not what I thought I'd be. 

Life has changed me, 

Continues to change me. 


I used to be loud. 

Now... I'm quiet. 

Bullied for years 

By my peers. 


3rd grade to sophomore year 

Starting to hate myself 

Starting to hate life itself 

Wanting to escape the cruelness 


Learning to keep all thoughts, 

All ideas and opinions to myself. 

Learning that if I keep to myself, 

Blocking the world out, 

Life will be survivable. 


I used to be really happy. 

Now... not so much. 

I admit, I can be really happy... at times,  

But those times don't last long. 


Years of bullying. 

Years of self-hate. 

Years of wanting escape. 

Years changing me. 


"Why do you even try?" 

Because I can! 

"No one will ever like you, 

Because you're ugly." 

Maybe, but at least I don't bully people. 


I am kind. 

I've always been kind. 

I talk to the new kid at school. 

I help anyone who needs it. 


I don’t want anyone 

To feel the way 

I've felt most of my life. 

Hopeless. Alone. Worthless. Waste of space. 


I am alive. 

I never thought 

I'd be the girl in the counselor's, 

Twice a week. 


I never thought 

I'd self harm or 

Try to kill myself. 

I am alive. 


I'm getting better. 

I will always have a reminder 

Of the dark time in my life. 

It's made me who I am today. 


Do I regret anything? 

No. Not for a second. 

I've learned so much, 

Changed so much. 


I've learned... 

Not to listen to 

What people say 

About me. 


I've learned... 

Never let anyone 

Feel the way 

I felt. 


I've learned... 

That I have 

A reason for being here. 

And not to give up. 


I've learned so much more. 

I am alive, kind, more confident, 

Happy, quiet, and loud. 

I am not what I thought, 

I am so much more. 


This poem is about: 




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