I am graduating this year and you won't see it.
I will walk down that aisle, I will accept my degree
I will take a step forward and then I will take a step down.
I will bow to the past and face forward to my future,
I will dread going onstage and I will dread the moment off.
This year I was in college and you weren't there to see it,
Though I suppose it wouldn't matter
As any advice you had to give could never be by example.
I spent hours late at night working on papers,
Studying for tests, striving to get that good grade,
And in all of that it became easy to forget you.
You weren't there this year and yet that doesn't really matter
Because you were never there and if you were alive
I'm not sure you would have even come to see.
I cried twice for you
And I'm still not sure you were worth it.
Worth that pain, those hours spent hiding alone
That understanding that I could finally know
I could finally be sure whether you would be there for me,
And yet, I'm not sure whetehr I would still take that uncertainty.
I couldn't say this if you were alive
And so I suppose I'll say it since you're gone.
You have left me dissappointed
You have left me crushed
You have given me nothing more
Than these years of uncertainty and self hate,
But I love you and I hope that I can see you again, Dad.