hatesex

Today I painted my nails black

so    next      time      I

dig them into your warm

cold,       indifferent back

you might feel my anger

under         your        skin

and maybe my kiss might

tell you how I wish I wanted

to be anywhere else right now,

but

I

don't.

I might have mistaken the way     you 

looked at me and grabbed my     open

hand and kissed my forehead        but

don't mistake my smile for ignorance

I know how little          I mean to you

the arch of my back is a           protest

a reminder that I am not        spineless,

but I never listen to myself and          I 

hate that I don't and                I hate how

I   always   want to  be with               you,

telling myself how badly my body wants to

break the heart that you just won't give me, to

waste the time you don't give me enough of 

for reasons that I               wish I understood

you've seen all of me                  and decided

that for you,                   I'm not good enough

to be more                                  than just this

Today                        I painted my nails black

because to you            this is all I will ever be

and I wish that hurt                                    you

as much as it does                                       me

Today I painted my nails                         black

to remind myself how much I                   hate

how your touch dissolves my               resolve

submitting me to the fate of becoming

just another one of your 

empty 

memories

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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