Hanahaki

han·a·ha·ki

/häˈnôhäkē/

noun

  1. a mythological japanese disease caused by unrequited Love and/or a broken heart that causes the diseased to cough up or urp flowers

 

In my lungs

A seed did grow

That blooming had begun

I did not know

 

The first seed he planted in me was that of a daisy

With petals innocent and pure

He began to Love me

And as he Loved me more-

That little tiny seed

Of which I was unaware

That bud I could not see

Nearly was not there

Heartbreak would never bloom in me

 

Until one day I felt a small tickle

From deep inside my chest

But there was no way I was ill

Afterall, he and I were best-

Friends, we were in sync

Right best friend, are we not linked?

Best friend...hey..talk to me…

Hm, he’s probably just sleepy...

 

We were in Love, and it was real

But…

 

It’s not just a little tickle anymore

I think something other than daisies are growing

They aren’t gentle like before

And the symptoms might be showing

I think...there are roses in my lungs

But no (no!) it’s impossible

The words will not slip off my tongue

There is no way my chest is full

H-He’s just been busy

That’s really all

I don’t have hanahaki

So there’s no reason to let tears fall

B-but the I can feel the thorns pressing

The vines creeping up my throat

No, I feel NOTHING!

But I can feel myself choke!

NO NO NO!

I AM HAPPY!

IT IS NOT DENIAL!

HE DOES LOVE ME!

WE...just haven’t talked in awhile…

 

I just need to realize

There simply cannot be

Anything...any part of me insisting otherwise…

I-I CAN’T HAVE HANAHAKI!

I Love him!

He’s my best friend!

I Love him!

And I’ll Love him to the end!

B-but...you..YOU…

WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME!!

AM I NO LONGER SOMETHING YOU ADORE?!?!

YOU’RE JUST WATCHING ME BLEED!

THIS ISN’T LOVE ANYMORE!

 

 

 

I know we haven’t spoken in a while

Since I had the surgery

To rid myself of denial

They removed the petals from me

I can finally breathe again

And now that I’ve had time to think it through

I think I know what Love is

And yes, I really did Love you

And you Loved me too

 

God is Love.

Love is mutual

Love is communication

Love should keep your chest full

Love is not suffocation

A healthy Love grows

But not like a disease

A healthy Love should flow

Maybe not always with ease

But-

Love is willing to talk it through

Even when you really don’t want to

It is “what can I give you at my expense?”

Not leaving you to make sense-

Of what I say (or what I do not)

Its apologizing after we fought

Love can bloom into something twisted, true

And I’m afraid that's what happened with you

You were selfish in your feelings and planted a seed

I was selfish in denial and allowed it to breed

But the best thing about Love between friends

Is that after repentance, Love will always try again

 

This poem is about: 
My family

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741