I was taught that I should chase after who I please
But what if who I please does not desire me?
Growing up in a town of a city, blonde hair with blue eyes was what was considered pretty
I was young, awkward, and most importantly brown
Definitely not the most sought after girl around
I was caught in the trap layed down by society
I kept looking, kept seaching, yet always feeling unworthy
Why was is that these boys held back?
I just desperately wanted to undestand what I lacked
Turns out that white is just more 'pretty' to the rest of the world
So I was discarded and unconsidered, for I am just a black girl
High school soon came and on the very first day
I was swarmed and circled, the boys laughing, yelling hey
Is it me or am I just going deaf?
Did these boys just really call me Jeff?
Oh lovely, high school is awesome, everyone thinks I look like a guy
I sat there sinking, desperately asking my self why?
Wracking my brain, rack by rack
When all of a sudden they mentioned Jeff was black...
Each compared, shared and debated
Most agreed that we had to be related
Well duhh Camillia, we are the same colored skin
It so obvious that we must be twins
A never ending disregard and stereotype that some still find amusing
But for my young mind it was nothing short of confusing
So I changed and lived to prove these non-blacks wrong
I lived to prove that I was different, that I did belong
I always came off civil, educated, and oh so polite
Bending over backwards to prove myself white
My parents told me to be myself for I was appealing
But how could I believe that with they way I'd been feeling...
Even the first compliment I recieved from a boy took me aback
He ignorantly stated that I was pretty for being black
Growing up different, what an experience it has been
I am still growing and still waiting for the chance to be more than the color of my skin