Grief

Wed, 05/08/2013 - 16:01 -- lea1015

Location

15237
United States
40° 33' 24.8832" N, 80° 1' 11.8416" W

I'm dangling on the rail of a hospital bed
Clinging to you and the life you have left and
Somewhere in between hushed breaths and the unnerving hum of the air mattress
I reach my hands to yours to try to heal myself and you but my helpless hands have no power to heal so they hold your hands to feel
Feeling
too
much
Grief

I'm an extrovert stuck in an introvert's body where existential mind wars wage on
In My D-Day I'm a weathered piece of wood washed up along the frothy shoreline
Splinters digging into my skin with every movement, every thought,
Just scrap wood with a scrap heart
Slamming into the shore
The cymbal waves are your soundtrack and oh, it is heavenly as
You storm up the beach like life
You are life beyond my years
You are colors of wisdom and love

All this time I thought you were bulletproof
I thought we had more life and colors
But the cymbals crash like bullets and I’m screaming white noise
In an instant you bleed out into my soul
The albatross hangs on my heart
Beauty fades with gasped breaths
All your beauty

Eight months later and I'm still blood stained scrap wood
screaming on the shore to the score of your waves
"Come back,”
please
“Come back.”

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