I feel your presence in the warmth of the summer sun.
In each breath the winter wind blows.
You're everywhere even though you're gone.
You're gone even though I need you.
I cling to every memory, every word you've ever said to me.
I dream that you are still alive.
I wake in a blanket of disappointment.
I imagine the past and the future.
I paint your face in my head repeatedly so I'll never forget.
I let my brush linger slowly over the details I never knew I was aware of.
As if my mind knew this would be all I had left.
I sew my wounds closed every day and cut the thread when I want to hurt.
I replay every word, rehearse every moment as I allow my heart to ache.
You won't be there to walk me down the aisle, or to hold your grandchildren.
You won't see the world get better or worse.
You won't know the woman I'll grow into.
I can hear your words echo in my thoughts, but how well did I know you?
Do you know that I cared even when I pretended I didn't?
Do you know that I'm sorry?
I hope heaven is whatever you wish it to be.
I hope some version of me is there making up for all of the times I didn't tell you I loved you.
I hope you get to experience all of your favorite memories, every moment that has ever made you smile.
I hope you look down on me with pride.
I hope you know I'll always be your little girl and my love for you is eternal.