The Girl Behind The Painting

Fresco painting fake faces onto my own

I

Cover my true self with layers of plastered

Self-consciousness

I want to be free

I want to

Peel back every

Doubt I’ve had on

Why my face

Doesn’t match hers

Or

Why my laugh

Sings differently than others

Or

Why my mind thinks in poems

Instead of

Essays

I’m tired

Of seeing mirrors reflecting false emotion

I’ve gotten so good at carving smiles onto my face

My middle name should be

eccedentesiast

 

Maybe its because I

Care more about

Reflecting what others want to see

Rather than

Projecting the true me

I hide behind

Bedcovers and curly hair

There I don’t worry about

Coloring in the lines

But before I dare step outside I

Color lines onto my eyes

And repaint and create a new face

I feel like I’m disrespecting my mother’s

Second try at a masterpiece

And I’m still not good enough

Because she tried

Two more times

 

Now my sister

At eight years old

Is already baptized with the thought that

Girls need to wear make up to be

“pretty”

No

Darling

No

She says she wants to be “more like me”

No

I wish

I could be more like you

Show

Me how to be free again

I’ve lost myself

In the years

Trying to grow up too fast

 

You

Are a roar of a lion

A kite soaring through the sky

A sweet kiss goodnight

I see

Strong will in your heart

I see

Sunlight in the corners of your smile

I see

Love seeping through your fingertips with each concerned touch

I see

My true self in you

 

 

Teach me how to be me again

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