Mon, 07/21/2014 - 12:18 -- Ocen

The beginning
The beginning of my failure; where I come up short before that bar that says I’m strong  enough to be called a man.
I saw her face and my heart raced as I stood in place and stared at her for a while
Where I twiddle my thumbs and would knock my knees if I WAS ever the aim of her smile
It was a magical moment and I still hold on to it
That, the greatest day of my life yet I will forever regret it
I met her that day and even though I didn’t have much to say she smiled
And I loved it
But then again without an exchange of you-know-what so I can be certain ill see her another time
 I let you walk away
Time passed and I missed her face, the face of a stranger and by that I realized I was beyond
Being in danger of drifting into fantasies of how things would have been, could have been, should have been
But in the end I’m stuck with, “what had happen was”
I never got to know her, I never got to see her again, and I know these kinds of thoughhts can be viewed as obsessive, but her image in my head refuses to be anything but majestic. So its ok , right?
Day In Day out, I dream of talking to her, but I try to smother these images in my head, because when I dreampt my lips would always quiver
More time passed and I searched and I looked but I wouldn’t find my treasure , her, so I abandoned my fairytail of what could have been in my life and closed that book
Unexpectantly I saw her in front of me and excitement came over me, but I couldn’t figure out what to say , so I turned around the other way
Burdened by shame because I igh tailed it outa there
And I panicked, like a punk, it was a one time thing
Or so I thought until it started happening again and again
To the point where running away wasn’t enough, I started playing hide and seek
Maneuvering corners became tough, I really tried to not let her see me
Everyday my heart beats faster every day I felt younger and younger till I found that I’ve devolved back into a little school boy with his school boy crush and an ability to express the way he feels.
She was the candy to this little boys heart and I thank her for that.
Now if anyone hears me say “I’m a grown ass man!” that’s a lie. Some people never grow up, they remain children till the day they die, like me.
Because when it comes to matters of the heart I always end up losing that battle: perfect example is the time that I tried my very best just to utter to her one simple word, ‘Hi’
I was pumped, I was ready to go in this time, I kept telling myself ‘yeah, I feel fine’ while holding down the nausea.
I got in close and everything slowed down, we were face to face, I was sit my game….hi…and make myself proud
I opened my mouth to let that ONE word out, but all of a sudden it stopped midway in my trachea, the word somehow got stuck, I couldn’t believe that I had just choked.
NO!! Even worse, I was literally dying. I found myself suffocating. My airways had closed. Turns out I wasn’t breathing.
The mere sight of this girl took my breath away and yeah it sounds really cliché but you’ll  understand when you meet your eve/adam one day.
To this day I haven’t said a word to this dame.
Genesis is my beginning, when my manhood was put to shame.


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