Friends

I find myself looking into your big brown eyes too often

Wondering why so much darkness comes from such a positive person

I get lost in thoughts of being wrapped in your big tattooed arms

That are covered by your North Face coat to protect you from the bitter cold

I check my phone constantly waiting on messages from you

Even if they do say we’re best friends ‘til the end

Friends

That word is funny

You see I never really minded the word until I met you

“We should be friends”

That’s what you told me that cool winter morning

When you slid into my DMs on Instagram

Was that always your intention?

To be friends?

Or did you used to scroll through my pictures like I did yours?

Did you used to daydream about being more?

If so please tell me what changed

Did I do something wrong

Is it because I’m not as pretty as your past girlfriends?

Or is it because I don’t put out like that girl last summer?

Because she was someone you called friend too

But I guess that summer heat changed things

Now I’m suddenly wishing these frigid winter days would do the same for me

For us

And the sad part is you don’t even know how I feel

And you probably never will

It’s been three years since the last time my heart was broken

And its just gotten colder

So I should be fine with only being your friend

Just don’t tell me how you couldn’t be friends with girls you thought were attractive in that way

When you call me beautiful everyday

Because now I’m wondering which one of those statements was a lie

Don’t tell me about the other girls you think are beautiful or how you want a girlfriend

Because I wonder what’s wrong with me

Why can’t I be the girl you want?

And I don’t want to think those things

I don’t wanna daydream about how your hand fits in mine while we’re walking

I don’t wanna hate that I can’t give my heart to you when you don’t want it

I want be fine with us being best friends ‘til the end

I want to find a boy who will love me for me despite all my faults and insecurities

So as much as I don’t want to say this

I can’t be your friend anymore

Goodbye, I hope those big brown eyes shine bright one day