I find myself looking into your big brown eyes too often
Wondering why so much darkness comes from such a positive person
I get lost in thoughts of being wrapped in your big tattooed arms
That are covered by your North Face coat to protect you from the bitter cold
I check my phone constantly waiting on messages from you
Even if they do say we’re best friends ‘til the end
That word is funny
You see I never really minded the word until I met you
“We should be friends”
That’s what you told me that cool winter morning
When you slid into my DMs on Instagram
Was that always your intention?
To be friends?
Or did you used to scroll through my pictures like I did yours?
Did you used to daydream about being more?
If so please tell me what changed
Did I do something wrong
Is it because I’m not as pretty as your past girlfriends?
Or is it because I don’t put out like that girl last summer?
Because she was someone you called friend too
But I guess that summer heat changed things
Now I’m suddenly wishing these frigid winter days would do the same for me
And the sad part is you don’t even know how I feel
And you probably never will
It’s been three years since the last time my heart was broken
And its just gotten colder
So I should be fine with only being your friend
Just don’t tell me how you couldn’t be friends with girls you thought were attractive in that way
When you call me beautiful everyday
Because now I’m wondering which one of those statements was a lie
Don’t tell me about the other girls you think are beautiful or how you want a girlfriend
Because I wonder what’s wrong with me
Why can’t I be the girl you want?
And I don’t want to think those things
I don’t wanna daydream about how your hand fits in mine while we’re walking
I don’t wanna hate that I can’t give my heart to you when you don’t want it
I want be fine with us being best friends ‘til the end
I want to find a boy who will love me for me despite all my faults and insecurities
So as much as I don’t want to say this
I can’t be your friend anymore
Goodbye, I hope those big brown eyes shine bright one day