Man made and stretching for miles

I sit down to rest

Or, better yet, to find solace within myself 

I reflect on the journey that led me here

It was filled with anguish and cause and love and foolishness

I truly believed It would be mine

That I could conquer the kingdom of necessity and rise to the occasion 

I am alone in failure but also in triumph

And my hands are cramping 

Wallowing under the pressure of being forced into fists of tension for too long

I smile because this feeling

This fear right here provides me with clarity

All I need to do is find my purpose

To reevaluate my life     

Mark Twain once said

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why"

I am still waiting on my second day

I lay down on rotted leaves and blackened mud

My heart beats reverberate throughout my body and tingle my soul

In my 16 years I've learned a lot about myself

But I've also unlearned a lot

I'm constantly changing

For the better, for the worse 

Either way I love this evolution I find myself going through

I think that may be because I'm unhappy with my purest form

It's not as pure as I'd like it to be

There's something missing

I'd like to find

But I'm scared I will not

How do I articulate that I'm scared,

Without knowing exactly what it is that keeps me trembling out tears?

It may be too simple to say I am afraid of the dark

But I think that suffices

I'm afraid of the uncertainty 

Of the imaginative peril that maybe could happen

Of losing myself or realizing I was never found in the first place

I fear the dark

But I also fear light

Of becoming exposed to the brinks of exile

Light means there's no where to hide

I can't allow that

I'm in need of a happy medium

Like in the middle dusk, right?

Not even half way into the the sun set

Where everything is magical

Filled with pinks and purples and just enough absence of light to mask despair 

But enough presence of light to make it visible to those who pay attention

I hear a noise

Rapid foot steps every which way

It seems they come closer and closer forever 

It's a stampede of wild deer

Their movements hold so much grace and beauty that I close my eyes

I cannot stand it

But then I open my eyes because why should anyone look away and deny themselves of such a sight?

I see a fawn struggling behind

No one is helping them

They run awkwardly

Their limbs are new and unrefined 

Quickly space begins to separate this young child of the forest from the elders

They stop near me

They looked scared

I bet so do I

I hear what they were running from

A bullet rings out of my new friends gangly and small body

I get up to pick them up

Only to fall to the ground and lay their head in my lap 

I say a prayer

It seems only right

I look up and see the shooter

He has eyes like mine

Twinkling and hopeful

I believe he doesn't see any wrong in his actions

And I don't know if he should

All I know is that this fawn