the fool

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it happened again.

this time i was sober.

which makes it worse.

but whatever.

 

it was a little different.

this time.

you called me.

wanting to talk.

 

so i came over.

despite the cold fucking temps.

but you asked me to come.

so i went.

 

i got in your house.

then your room.

you told me to cuddle with you.

in your bed.

 

the second i did.

you started kissing me.

and holding me.

trying to warm me up.

 

but before that even.

on the phone.

you said something weird.

"i miss you."

 

you started calling me your cuddle buddy.

then said you had other girls.

"at your disposal."

but you called me?

 

that i still don’t understand.

but then you started talking.

about how i deserve the perfect guy.

and how you’ll hate him.

 

you’d hate him because.

he’d “have” me.

and you wouldn’t.

but you said you’d find him for me.

 

because i said i wouldn’t.

i then told you that you deserve the best too.

and you whispered.

that it was me.

 

then you left me speechless.

i don’t remember what started it.

i only remember what was said.

and how taken off guard i was.

 

you said that if i didn’t hate you.

that you would “do something stupid.”

i asked like what?

you said “like marry you.”

 

why would you say that?

if i’m just a bed warmer?

because you were drunk?

or because you still care?

 

once you told me something.

that you think the same.

drunk or sober.

but only drunk you says things out loud.

 

you kept telling me.

that it’d be easier if i hated you.

but i said that i didn’t care.

and that’s still true.

 

this morning.

i was still mostly asleep.

but i felt your arms around me.

if only for a few minutes.

 

was that sober you?

or am i just a fool?

maybe both?

or maybe it was a dream too.

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