Feeling

It’s that punched in the stomach about to throw up stressed out kind of feeling

That way they looked at you made your skin crawl kind of feeling

That kiss you never saw coming and by the time you realized what was happening

it was too late

kind of feeling

 

That friends not understanding kind of feeling

That you should do it ‘cuz they’re cute kind of feeling

That really not wanting to kind of feeling

That laughing at your naiveté and innocence kind of feeling

 

That paralyzed under the boney fingers on your shoulder kind of feeling

That caught by a rogue arm that came out of nowhere kind of feeling

That barely breathing kind of feeling

That never saw who they were kind of feeling

 

That if they were just flirting then why do you feel this way kind of feeling

That hot iron nails through your clothes kind of feeling

The claws in your sides kind of feeling

That four or less layers of fabric away kind of feeling

That not knowing what just happened kind of feeling

 

That maybe it was your fault kind of feeling

The knowing that it wasn’t but still feeling like it was kind of feeling

 

The flashback kind of feeling

That cold sweat at 2am kind of feeling

That random crying kind of feeling

That blood boiling rage kind of feeling

That can’t fall asleep without meds kind of feeling

 

That scanning the room peering out of the corner of your eye kind of feeling

That avoiding parties and dances and people kind of feeling

That hiding under layers of baggy clothing kind of feeling

That not trusting any of them kind of feeling

That not a matter of if but when kind of feeling

 

The putting on your happy face kind of feeling

That pretending you’re ok kind of feeling

The really not kind of feeling

That people asking if you’re ok only makes it worse kind of feeling

The wishing that someone would just tell you it would be kind of feeling

 

The wondering if anyone could love someone so broken kind of feeling

The knowing that you’re not damaged goods but still doubting kind of feeling

 

It’s that realizing you’re a survivor kind of feeling

That wanting to talk but not kind of feeling

The pressure to advocate on behalf of everyone else kind of feeling

That afraid kind of feeling

The unable to speak kind of feeling

That knowing you have a right to privacy but still feel guilty kind of feeling

That indirectly addressing the subject kind of feeling

The anonymous invisible kind of feeling

 

That numbness kind of feeling

The inexplicable amalgam of feels kind of feeling

 

That

all of that

and so much more

kind of feeling

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