Fear

Brown hair, blue eyes, bruised body, broken heart

And all the boys will tell her, her body’s a piece of art

Clothes will hide the scars, lies will hide the truth

Police will ask what’s wrong, she’ll say she hasn’t got a clue

Silence is key when the yelling runs rampant

She knows she’s safer if she dresses half decent

She feels his eyes, he doesn’t try to disguise

His filthy stare as she tries to walk by

Its dinner time, right around nine

And an empty plate is all it takes, she’ll have to wait till lunchtime

That night she goes to bed, still left unfed

His filthy stares stuck in her head

Does her sister not notice? Does mom even care?

Don’t they see his lingering stares?

 

She gets up, he offers a drink

She takes a sip (and later on) she couldn’t think

The room was spinning, getting harder to stay awake

The next morning she felt a terrible ache

It hurt down there, she didn’t understand why

What in the world had happened last night?

A bra on her bed, she began to feel the fright

Was that her bra there on her bedside?

She can’t remember, there’s nothing she could say

I guess another man had gotten away that day

What is there to do? She's got nothing to use to prove

maybe it didn’t happen, will she ever know the truth?

Maybe it's growing pains, she lets out a defeated sigh

Outside a tear slipped from Artemis’s eye

 

She’s got homework to do, but they insist she does it later

Her sister picks a fight, all she wants is a savior

A punch is thrown, she wishes for a normal home

The fists keep coming, she feels so alone

She knows tomorrow, she’ll be blamed for the punches thrown

The floor starts to shake, mom comes running in

It’s not three seconds later that the real terror sets in

As the screams get louder

She begins to hide and cower

Running to her room, really what’s the use?

Mom grabs her arm, way too hard, here comes the abuse

Mom and the counselor always said to walk away

How come it’s never been able to be that way?

 

The courage sets in, just for a second

She stands up and walks, but just a few steps in,

She tries to pull away, but mom pulls back.

Slammed face first into a wall, she swears she could hear her sister laugh.

Feeling dazed, mom is crazed, another wall meets her back

The second hit brings a little bliss, all she can see is black

Reality comes back clear as day

The ringing in her ears decided to stay

Her vision comes back, she wishes she couldn’t see

The enraged face of her mom, wishing it wasn’t she

She escapes to her room and locks the hollow door

While her sister’s in the living room, acting all bored

She lays in bed and covers her head as fists keep pounding the door

She hides, instead, under the bed, at least she has the floor

Its twelve o’clock by the time she goes to sleep

In the back of her mind, she wishes there was something to eat

 

Its five in the morning, outside its drearily pouring

Her stomach’s the sky as it rumbles alive

She’s still just as hungry

Running to the shower, she’s only got an hour

To be ready before she loses her own free will power

It’s a cold shower and a quick brush of teeth

Her hair will have to do, is there something to eat?

She checks again, now its seven ten, and she’s ready for the bus

Her sister is running late, they won’t leave the house till eight

Now she’s gotta bike, she’s yet again, in a rush

Homework still isn’t done, the teacher will ask why

She’ll put her head down and slowly begin to cry

Some of it was stolen, most she just couldn’t do

The teacher will frown and look down, never knowing the truth

She’s a smart kid, school comes easy

She could get straight A’s, but life is too busy

They think she’s just lazy, if only it were that easy

It’s her favorite part of the day, lunch is on its way

She doesn’t understand why the kids like to complain

It’s a nice hot meal on a cold rainy day (better than popcorn anyways)

 

Time to come back home, she hopes it won’t be the same

As she slinks into the house, hoping it’ll be different today

Mom sits on the couch in her floral patterned shirt

Looking every bit the loving mother, you’d never guess the worst   

For a moment she lets herself imagine, That face was meant for her

But mom opens her arm, and she just hangs her head, as they’re solely for her sister    

On the coffee table sits a new little device

A taser of sorts, it didn’t look nice

Mom tried to say it wouldn’t hurt that bad

“Come give it a try” is what mom said, but all she could do was shake her head

The smile turned less friendly as she backed to the kitchen wall

Suddenly she could see him standing there, lurking in the hall

Her sister laughs and says you go first

“Ya big baby I bet it doesn’t hurt”

Slowly creeping, stalking their prey

She begs for them to stop as she tries to back away

They grab her arms she fights and pulls back

And once again, she could hear her sister laugh

Tackled on the couch, she hears another laugh

She didn’t hear him come, didn’t see him there

But there he is, the fear sinks in if only this were rare

He holds her legs, sister grabs her arms

While mom laughs a few feet away, safe from all the harm

Time slows as she keeps creeping closer, as the fear quickly takes over

He pulls down her shorts, she doesn’t feel a thing

Until suddenly there is a terrible, terrible sting

Screaming and kicking there was nothing she could do

To stop the pain, to stop the hurt and all of the abuse

It burned and stung as she fought and lost to hold back tears

How and why would such a wonderful god lead her here?

 

There’s a scar there now on her right ass cheek

A permanent reminder of the night she couldn’t break free

A bruise down her stomach from the corner of the hall

When the police came by they asked her what was wrong

She could have told them then, could’ve gotten herself out

But mom was standing there, she just chickened out

Sister had run away, she could’ve taken that chance

But as the coward she knows she is, she decided to dodge the policeman’s glance

The policeman shakes his head and labels her a dramatic kid

But what he doesn’t know is she was just trying to live

The lunches quit coming, as mom stopped paying money

And all the kids laughed as if it were funny

Dad started paying, he was her saving grace

She only saw him a few weekends, he was her safe place

 

It wasn’t all physical, as if that weren’t enough

There were times she’d rather die than listen to her mom’s stuff

She quit wearing a hat, mom said it made her “look bad”

Mom always stole her money, honestly, it was just sad

From the outside looking in, it looked like a regular home

But on the inside looking out, it felt like an unbreakable glass dome

She could see the happy kids with the happy families

It was those happy people that were never understanding

They’d come inside and be treated as guests

It was like a game, or maybe just a test

On who could pretend the most

The whole show was one big hoax

The guests would leave, mom would close the door

It was like Jekyll and Hyde decided to come inside

because she couldn’t recognize her anymore

The smile turned to a scowl, happiness turned to depression

She knew better though, than to try and address it

 

A loving mom is supposed to lift her up, not let her down

But it was mom’s special ability to always make her frown

You see, the house was toxic, an uncleanly place to be

And when you grow up in that environment, you really can’t see

What was wrong, what was right, what could she believe?

Mom made her dependant yet independent too

She didn’t know what she could do without her, it was like she was made of glue

When they were late to events, it was always the kids’ fault

She was told the same things right before each and every assault

The counselors told her she was the reason that there were problems

Too many times she truly tried to solve them

There was a mental game that was being played

Too young and ignorant, she didn’t know she was being betrayed

What god was there to stop this madness? No one could really say

The house was a war zone, the public a secret battlefield

What would happen, she wondered, if she would just give up and kneel?

She couldn’t trust her mom, it led her not to feel

Not to feel the “I love you”(s) in public

Not to feel the hateful words in private

The loss of feeling made her quiet

The boys say shes heartless for she's learned not to love

It's a week and done, she's back on the run, anything more was undreamed of

They get mad when she can’t be touched

But how could she possibly explain?

That her family ruined the pleasure on so many days

How her world always seemed to rain?

 

Too little, too late, but at least she got out.

Dad saved her. That part is true.

But not before she was left with more than one scar

She felt like she had something to prove

You see, safety came at a price

She had something to eat, there were no fists coming her way

But there was this constant need to please, expectations ate her away

Her chem teacher thinks she will break,

little does he know she’s already broke

All the kids continue to laugh and say she’s just a joke

They say “chill out” and “calm down” as if she's crazy

If only they knew her soul was screaming “save me”

 

She knew it was time

She had to forget and break the old rhyme

It took time and patience but she got herself out

Through communication and love, dad helped her out.

Her fear was a birth mother

And of a family who didn’t love her

A new school and new friends

Ever so slowly, she was on the mend

She learned to speak her mind

She learned that parents could be kind

To overcome the fear she had to overcome herself

She wasn’t an item you could forget on the shelf

Day by day, year by year she figured it out

She finally knew what life was about

It’s still hard and she’s still learning

Her ambitions are still brightly burning

Day by day, she works on through

No mean words or bruises could knock her askew

Still can’t love, still can’t trust but she’s trying

Now she no longer feels like dying

Swimming made her stronger

School made her smarter

Now, she works even harder

From a family that didn’t care

And a mom who was never really there

She’s got goals and a plan

Finally, on her own, she can stand

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Bertak0110

I have never been able to say any of these things out loud. I don't always feel like I have someone to talk to so I write. I don't write to create perfect poems that follow the right number of syllables and special rules each type of poetry has. The most beautiful poetry, I have found, is the kind that just flows from your brain to your fingertips and managing to translate those ideas onto paper. No rules and forms; in simpler terms, it is free writing that knows no boundaries nor does it care to learn them either. There is validity in the saying that the pen is mightier than the sword. Maybe we use computers now but the point is to use whatever means necessary to write and let it all out. 

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