Long have I searched for what was lost so long ago

For the memories of those times that I remember nothing about

Without them I feel so empty...

so very very empty...

 

The numbness of my body and the crowd of people trying to help me

That was all I could remember from that day

The warmth of my blood flowing out of me and the cold of the concrete floor were the only things I felt,

It was but within that fraction of a second that I came by heaven's doorstep

And at that time I closed my eyes

My life thus far had flashed before me 

 

When I woke up I was in a bed in a bright room painted in the innocence of white

From the windows to the curtains and even the cabinets and beds, everything was drowned in pure white

And as I woke myself up from the bed a young woman entered the room

She stood by the entrance, covered her mouth with both hands, one over the other, and began to cry

She had stared at me for a moment as if in disbelief and ran over and hugged me

After moments of countless tears, she said "You're finally awake...I was so worried...I thought you were going die after getting hit by that car..."

 

I was but in a state confusion at her words and the events that had just transpired after my awakening

"Car?" I asked, "I got hit by a car?"

"Yes you did, don't you remember?" she replied

"No...I...can't seem to remember anything...also...may I ask you for your name, I don't believe we've met before..."  

 

She then stopped hugging me and and put both her hands over her mouth again and gave me another look of disbelief, except one filled with fear

 

"No..." she said "you don't remember me...I'm your girlfriend...you pushed me out of the way when a car was about to hit us..."

"I'm sorry but...I still don't recall any of this..."

 

She had gone out of the room in a hurry and when she had come back, next to her was a doctor

The doctor then came up to me and began examining me and asking me various questions

 

"Hmmm..." the doctor said, "it seems you have suffered some brain damage and lost some of your memory, we don't know to what degree as of yet so we'll bring in the people you are close to and observe the results, for now get some rest for today."

 

The next day had come and I began talking to the people who were said to be close to me...

but in my reunion with them, never had I thought or felt that the words "I'm sorry" could hurt so much

Even though I have no recollection of my past memories, I know for a fact I have never felt such agony and despair in my life

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry" I uttered those words countless times, and every time I said it, it just made me feel hollower and hollower inside

 

By the time I had finished my reunion with everyone, I had lost my will to speak...

I had lost my will to live...

I had lost the memories that define the person I am...

 

Later the doctor had told me I was diagnosed with permanent memory loss, and that when I wake up every day, I will have most likely forgotten what I had done or said in the previous day

 

The people I once knew still came persistenly day after day to help me rehabilitate, but as time dragged on, people stopped visiting me, and by the time I realized it, I was all alone...

When was the last time someone had spoken to me...

I don't even remember...

In fact...

I can't remember...

 

With all lost, I am nothing but an empty soul...

I have no will left to speak...

I have no will left to live...

I have no will left to care about anything anymore...

So if I can be reborn again into this world...

All I need...

are memories